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Domestic abuse help

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Unread postAuthor: psycix » Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:04 pm

singularity wrote:there is one thing you need to remember, you need solid evidence that something is going on. if you don't have solid evidence the cops will show up and wont be able to do anything about it. but there is a high probability that the kid gets beaten even worse just cause the cops were asking questions.


Indeed and thats why I wanted him to confirm it, and be 100% sure before taking any actions.
A wrong action can indeed result in creating/worsening the problem instead of solving it.
Verify your suspicion by talking to the kid or by gaining other solid evidences.
And call the anomymouse-help-phone-line.
Then consider to take any actions.
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Unread postAuthor: pat123 » Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:27 pm

you have to help that kid. I would deffinitly tell someone like the police if the kid wants you to.
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Unread postAuthor: Carlman » Mon Dec 03, 2007 11:13 pm

For this all to work out as planned you will need some hard evidence other than physical marks. If you got pictures/video/sound recordings of the abuse then that would ensure that you get a result that is fitting to the circumstances. This is indeed very serious so the right steps must be taken to ensure action is taken towards this problem. if this all works out you may have saved this kids life or at least given him a chance a happiness. Also do you know how the mother fits into this, like is she abusive as well?
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Unread postAuthor: jasonsmithmyer » Tue Dec 04, 2007 10:13 pm

http://www.childhelp.org/

The worst thing you could do, is do nothing irregardless of 'pissing someone off' or 'worrying about hurting someones reputation.' The damage to the child for doing nothing is far worse than the above mentioned.

They usually investigate every report and if the father isn't doing anything wrong then he has nothing to worry about. My uncle was reported for abuse when his children were in elementary school, and he just had to go to an interview and they quickly concluded that he wasn't doing anything above what is accepted punishment in the US. Nothing goes on his record, they didn't do follow-ups or anything like that. He was never informed of who made the claim that he was abusing his children and to this day he does not know.

As mentioned by the other spudders, hard evidence would be nice but, you're not the police doing an investigation. You are just a concerned citizen who has insight into a child's life that others around that child may not see. I think it would be in your best interest to pursue legally reporting the suspicion to a group like the one I linked to above or another organization not only for the child's sake but, to help with your conscious as well.

You questioned whether or not someone could send the information for you, I don't recommend this. Only because the credibility of the claim suffers if all the other members have to go off of is what you say in your post. In all honesty, you could be making this up, so you're the only one that can make the claim because you are the one with the suspicion and you are the one that has seem the child. I know this isolates you and puts alot on your shoulders, but taking steps like you had mentioned of informing your parents and guidance counselors (I know they seem useless but, its things like this that they are there for) will hopefully assist you with the problem. If this all seems insurmountable, don't try to go at it alone, get an adult you can confide in to help you.

I apologize for the long post, but the importance of the issue necessitated that I speak up. I truly hope that nothing comes out of this and that it is just a misunderstanding but, if it is not you could be helping someone who needs it.
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Unread postAuthor: frankrede » Wed Dec 05, 2007 12:15 am

Have you tried talking to your friend about it?
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Unread postAuthor: Pilgrimman » Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:00 am

Record, on video, yourself talking to the kid about the abuse, etc. Make sure he is okay with being taped. Then talk to the police, or whatever authority is necessary, and use the tape as evidence. The police etc. need probable cause to fully investigate claims of child abuse, (to my knowledge), and the tape should suffice. Above all, GET THE KID'S CONSENT BEFORE YOU RECORD HIM!

EDIT: DO NOTHING UNTIL YOU ARE TOLD BY THE POLICE EXACTLY WHAT IS PERMISSIBLE IN GATHERING EVIDENCE! DONT TAPE EITHER, UNTIL YOU KNOW WHAT, BY LAW, CONSTITUTES AS "CONSENT". Can't believe I forgot to mention that.
END EDIT

Finally, call the police, and ask what is required in your area to actually label this prick as an abuser. If you know what evidence you need, it'll help a lot. My father is a policeman, so I'll ask him about it (if it's okay with you). (PM me if so)
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Unread postAuthor: mark.f » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:25 am

Here's what I say: make the call. It doesn't matter what country or culture somebody's from, they have to abide U.S. laws if they live in the U.S.

If you're fearing revenge by the parent... don't. First off, anything he tries to do to you would be highly illegal. Second off, you can talk to the police about it, and they'll take appropriate action.
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Unread postAuthor: thespeedycicada » Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:32 pm

I have a breakthrough!!!!!! today i had his blabbermouth brat friend and him over and the brat said "yea (censored) he thinks it wrong when you dad whups you. and i had to tell him that i want to know whats wrong... no answer then later he said its getting late and he needed to go home or he would get hit and i asked him what his dad does he said usually his dad tells him to get on his knees gets out his belt and lets loose or he uses a shoe same thing.im planning on taking action soon what do you guys say?
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Unread postAuthor: mopherman » Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:40 pm

tell somebody at your school. they're dueches most of the time at my school, but they take this stuff seriously
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Unread postAuthor: jrrdw » Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:44 pm

I think if this kid hasn't already ran like hell from the beatings, he's gonna be to scared to say anything to the rite person/people. There has been a lot of idea's presented. You should look for physical signs of the abuse, with out evidence you don't have a case. Sad to say i know. If you recognize any of your local county police that are normally around, sneak and talk to them/him, and present a hypothetical situation to find out what you can do.
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Unread postAuthor: FordGtMan » Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:51 pm

Definatly tell someone. There had been a kid who attempted suicide with a nailgun at my school because of his dad beat the living **** out of him. I believe this could have been prevented too.
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Unread postAuthor: qbnbountyhunter » Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:14 pm

Go to the police, you are an eye witness and thats a lot of evidence.
If needed, they can check the child for wounds and bruises from his father. He needs help and soon, you are the one that can keep him safe and sane because any type of constant abuse at this fragile age can and WILL cause a major mental disfuction in the child when he grows up. He will not trust people and he needs to be saved AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
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Unread postAuthor: potatoflinger » Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:59 pm

Why don't you try to get pictures of the kid's bruises/injuries (under his consent) so that you will have evidence. You could make a claim to the police, but they probably won't believe you until you show them some pictures that prove you aren't making the whole thing up. Also, you need to tell your parents the entire story, if they hear how serious this is, they will probably be willing to help you out. The worst thing that you could do for the kid is to not do anything. Also, do you know if the mother is abusive? If the father is the only one that is abusing the boy, then the mother will probably get custody of the child, and he won't have to go through the foster care ordeal.
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Unread postAuthor: spudy buddy » Sun Jan 13, 2008 2:44 am

ya that would save him alot of hardships with foster parents.(although how can she stand there and not do anything i mean if she had any love for the boy she probably would have alerted the authoritys and/or left with him and goten far far away.
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Unread postAuthor: SpudMonster » Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:45 am

markfh11q wrote:Here's what I say: make the call. It doesn't matter what country or culture somebody's from, they have to abide U.S. laws if they live in the U.S.

If you're fearing revenge by the parent... don't. First off, anything he tries to do to you would be highly illegal. Second off, you can talk to the police about it, and they'll take appropriate action.


This is completely true. This guy needs to get his ass handed to him sautèed milanese and served over roasted potatoes. Your parents argument that "they must be from a different culture" is crap. This is America. We have laws against this type of stuff. Very strict laws.

If in the rare case he stoops to retaliation, he will be in even deeper crap than before. Not only would it be illegal, but since you're a minor, it would only increase the punishment for him. However, if you wish to stay out of this as much as possible, make it clear from the first call that you wish to remain anonymous.

Make the call NOW. Not "soon", not "tomorrow", NOW. Trust me, if anything worse happens, if he suffers permanent mental scars, or if he gets a permanent physical disability, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Report it for your own sake as much as his.
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