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Jokes

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Jokes

Unread postAuthor: saladtossser » Sun May 28, 2006 7:18 pm

A friend told me this one

A guy walks into a bar on the penthouse of a 10 story hotel
He sees another man sitting by an open window
Suddenly, that man jumps out the window
The guy, naturally is shocked
But in 5 minutes, the man entered the bar again and sat down by the same open window
You can imagine the confusion the guy was suffereing
Suddenly, that man jumps out the window, yet again
And comes right back into the bar in 5 minutes without a scratch on him
so the guy asks the man, "how do you do that?"
so the man says, "oh, if you jump out, you will catch a massive updraft from the vent on the 5th floor, and you can land into the dumpster without getting hurt a bit, why dont you try it?"
So the guy jumps out the window

Then the bar tender says to the man, (highlight me, or press control+A>>>"Superman, you're such an asshole.")
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Last edited by saladtossser on Sun May 28, 2006 11:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"whoa... I thought pimpmann was black..."-pyromanic13
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Unread postAuthor: snoix » Sun May 28, 2006 10:11 pm

ahaha ive heard somthing like that before.

it was a little different
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Unread postAuthor: Flinchy » Sun May 28, 2006 10:17 pm

lol awesome, reminds me of my fun times with dumpster diving... of that one time me and my friends jumped off my roof onto the trampoline... ahh good times. :D

~FLINCHY~
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Unread postAuthor: alex bennett » Sun May 28, 2006 11:53 pm

yea i heard same joke just a little altered, but still funny "massive updraft from the vent on the 5th floor"
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Unread postAuthor: Benny » Mon May 29, 2006 2:46 am

ok, while you are telling jokes...
this is a little rude, it will probadly get deleted

ok, a guy walks into a gunshop and sais "i need a new scope for my rifle" the gun shop owner said " ok, we just got this new line of scopes in" he hands him a scope and saise to look though the window and see if he can see the gunshop owners house down the road, he looks through the scope and sais "is there ment to be a naked man and woman running around in your bed room" the gunshop owner snatches the scope and looks through, then he startes screwing the scope onto a gun, he hands the man two bullets, and sais " if you can blow the mans wang off and the ladies head off i will give you the scope for free" the man starts lining up and pauses, he looks at the gun shop owner, and sais " what if i can do it in one"

:lol:


sorry if i offended anyone.
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Unread postAuthor: saladtossser » Mon May 29, 2006 12:07 pm

ROFLMFAO that was great
anyone else?
is anyone here offended by blond jokes? racisit jokes? sexist jokes?
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Unread postAuthor: CS » Mon May 29, 2006 12:07 pm

Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A: Because he doesnt want anyone to know he screwed a chicken.
What did the tampon say to the other tampon?
A: Nothing, there both stuck up bitches.
What the bug say when it got stepped on?
A: Nothing, bugs cant talk.

I copyed the format of ST post, so just highlight to get answers...
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Unread postAuthor: drac » Mon May 29, 2006 12:36 pm

How do you fit 4 gay men onto a barstool?
A:Turn it upside down
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Unread postAuthor: jrrdw » Mon May 29, 2006 6:44 pm

Man thats too funny, i really like the easter bunny joke!
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When life gives you lemons...throw them back they suck!
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Unread postAuthor: alex bennett » Wed May 31, 2006 9:56 am

okay, this guy has got the flu and cant get up to go to the drug store, so he sends his son for sick pills, while the kid is ridding his bike to the drug store hes saying "sick pills, sick pills, sick pills" he falls off and starts saying "sex pills, sex pills, sex pills". He gets to the store and asks the clerk for sex pills for his dad, the clerk gives him a bottle and tells him to tell his dad to take 1 every 6 hours, so hes ridding his bike home saying "1 every 6 hours, 1 every 6 hours, 1 every 6 hours" he falls off and starts saying " 6 every 1 hour, 6 every 1 hour, 6 every 1 hour" he gets home and tells his dad to take 6 every 1 hour. so the next day the dad sends him back for more and the clerk asks the boy how they worked, and the boy said well lets see, my moms dead, my sister pregnant, my butt hurts, and hes outside going HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY.

one of my favorites
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Unread postAuthor: beebs111 » Wed May 31, 2006 2:00 pm

okay- so there is this irish guy, and he is spending his evening at his local pub where there is a contest for the best toast. he ends up winning; his toast being-"let all the rest of me years be spent between the legs of me wife". so he goes home and tells his wife"honey i wont the toast contest at the pub earlier." his wife says, thats great, what was your toast? he, being the quick thinking gentleman that he was, said " it was, let all the rest of me years, be spent next to me wife in church!" so later on that week the wife meets one of the irish man's friends on the street, and said,"did you hear about my husband? he won the toast competition at the pub." the man says, "yeah it sure was a great toast". the wife then says "theres only one problem, he hasn't been there in four years and the last time he was, i had to pull him by the ears to make him come.
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in the upcoming presidential election, there will be several candidates who will be running, one of whom is Hillary Clinton. Now WAIT A SECOND!!! I though there was some sort of rule that prevented someone from serving more than two terms in office. Vote Against Hillary: Presidential Elections 08
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Unread postAuthor: jrrdw » Wed May 31, 2006 4:36 pm

A man is crossing the road and gets hit by a car and dies, he hasn't lead a good life so he goes to hell. When he gets there he complains soooo bad the devil says to him, i'll give you 3 chances to go to up to heaven, the man ask what do you mean. The devil says name 3 task, if i can't do all 3, you can go to heaven, the man says ok, 1st you have to stand on your head and play chop sticks on the piano, devil does it no problem. 2nd, you have to make it snow here in hell, does it no problem, so the man gets nervis thinking what next, ok, 3rd, the man lets a huge fart and says catch that and paint it green!

Another one for ya's- If crabs have unprotected sex, do they get the people's??
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When life gives you lemons...throw them back they suck!
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Unread postAuthor: Benny » Wed May 31, 2006 7:41 pm

alex, that was one of the funniest things i ever heard.
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Unread postAuthor: saladtossser » Wed May 31, 2006 9:13 pm

you guys crack me up :lol:
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Unread postAuthor: alex bennett » Wed May 31, 2006 10:44 pm

What does the fish say when he runs into a wall?
A:Damn

So these 3 men are captured by cannibals in a jungle, and they tie them up and throw them in a pot and begin to boil them, and this one guys just starts busting out laughing, and the other 2 are like...wtf is so funny? and hes like, i just pee'd in there soup.

So theres 3 guys that are captured by these canniabls in a jungle and they tell them to go pick 10 fruits before we kill you, so they go, the first one comes back with 10 oranges and the leader says now, if you want to live you have to shove all 10 up your butt and not make a sound, he gets to 3 before crying out from pain, they kill him and the second one comes with 10 grapes, leader tells him that if he can shove all ten up his butt without making any sound he will live, he says no problem, but when when he gets to 8 he starts to bust out laughing, they kill him. number one and two meet up at the pearly gates, and number one is like...what was so funny, you almost had it?, and number two was like, i saw number 3 getting pinapples.

being blonde dosent mean anything about smarts, but blonde jokes are funny, so I hope I dont offend any blondes here....

there is this blonde and brunette in a elevator and they go up a few floors and this guy in a black suit gets in with really bad dandruff, they go up a few more floors and he gets off, then the brunette says to the blonde, someone should give that guy some head n' shoulders, and the blonde turns to her and said " I dont understand, how do you give shoulders?"

So this guy looks down one day and realizes that he has a orange dick, and is like AHH! and calls his docter and is like, I have an orange dick, whats wrong? the doc is like, ....sure, im sure you all right. the guy insists that he makes a house call, so he does, and when he gets there hes like, woah, you do have an orange dick. The doc asks him if he has a job at or around a nuclear plant or something, the guy responds, no i just sit here all day and eat cheetos and watch porn.

What do men know about Women?
A:



how do you get black font? i put the code in, it didnt work, and for those who didnt get the last one, its NOTHING! , lol here kitty kitty kitty.
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