*Political Joke* George Bush's Resume

[Pete Zaria]

*WARNING: The following involves POLITICS. If you are easily offended or tend to flame / get into heated debates, hit BACK now. Otherwise, read on.*


George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
Washington, D.C. 20500

Past Work Experience

* Ran for congress and lost.
* Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
* Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
* Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
* With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.



Accomplishments in Previous Positions

* Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
* Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
* Set record for most executions by any governor in American history.
* Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.



Accomplishments As President

* Attacked and took over two countries.
* Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
* Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
* Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
* Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
* First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
* First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
* First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history.
* After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
* Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history.
* In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
* Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history.
* Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
* Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history.
* Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
* Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.
* Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
* Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
* Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
* Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
* Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).
* First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
* Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
* First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
* Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
* Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.
* First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission.
* First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the elections monitoring board.
* Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.
* Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
* Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).
* All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
* My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
* Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.
* First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
* Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history).
* With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
* First U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability, even over Iran and North Korea.
* Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
* Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
* Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.'
* In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
* Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history.
* In a little over two years, created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War.
* Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic indicator heading straight down.


Records and References

* At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available, though there are rumored to be two DUI arrests from Texas)
* AWOL from National Guard for 9 months and deserted the military during a time of war.
* Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.



.... and we elected this guy... TWICE?!??!.....

Peace,
Pete Zaria.

[risto]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Friggin awesome!

[deusXmachina]

This is why I fear the future of this country....

Even if we don't elect another moron in '08 it will still take a ton of work to undo the damage. And stop the environment from eroding. And solve the energy crisis. And............

[PVC Arsenal 17]

Old. And mostly lies...

[Pete Zaria]

This is why I fear the future of this country....

Even if we don't elect another moron in '08 it will still take a ton of work to undo the damage. And stop the environment from eroding. And solve the energy crisis. And............

110% correct. And none of the 08 candidates look very good, save for Edwards and Obama. Hillary is an idiot, McCain is barley any better than G.Bush, and Guliani claims to be a Republican but is nowhere near it. We're screwed. Even if we got an actual benevolent dictator, it would still take decades to reverse our 9 trillion dollar national debt, our now-tainted world political image, our over-extended military, and our f**ked environment. At least some of us are paying attention.

Old. And mostly lies...

I've checked out most of these claims on Snopes and news media (AP, CNN, ABC, anything but Fox News). I have not yet found a single untrue claim in that list. If you can provide me with links proving any of those claims false, I'll be shocked.

Peace,
Pete Zaria.

[)DEMON(]

If it wern't for the US the polar ice caps wouldn't be melting, global warming would't be that bad and I wouldn't be sitting here at the beginning of Winter in my shorts and a t-shirt.

As the country that rules the world you would think there would be an intelligant person running the show. I guess you have a better government than me though

Just makes me feel bad that I can do absolutly nothing about it

[A-98]

ahhh, i have no problem with this thread. infact, i rather like it

however, you forgot one thing for the "accomplishments as president" section: *most amusing quotes of any president in american history eg." the hardest part of being president is connecting Iraq with the War On Terror."

[spudthug]

yea george bush is a frigging retard and he smoked pot with kerry and admitted to it..so did kerry..

[CS]

Has anyone ever noticed this is the trend for every political official? You sit there hoisting insults merged among one in millions of Americans. Millions scouring ever facet of the persons life.

The world have frozen over had the earth followed any popular media sources. We would be buzzing around with jet packs... Does ignorance void history? Every opposing political party paints the other candidate to be the initial downfall for this country, after several candidacies such is obviously not true.

Offer suggestions, not criticism. This is not even constructive criticism at best. This is laying more insults down faster then the other person can defend himself.

[imablackskater]

Wow now i have even more of a disrespect of politicians that is why no black man is president. None of them want to be a stupid guy in a huge white house.

Pimp i see what you mean yes we should be saying hey try to this instead of wasting money blowin up Iraq and yes we should help our presidents especially be cause this is our country , the people's country.

[pyromanic13]

ahhh, i have no problem with this thread. infact, i rather like it

however, you forgot one thing for the "accomplishments as president" section: *most amusing quotes of any president in american history eg." the hardest part of being president is connecting Iraq with the War On Terror."

America is not the only polluting country, china's worst off the top of my head

[Pete Zaria]

Check this out: http://idontfeelsogood.blogspot.com/200 ... chive.html

Supports most of the claims in that resume and provides extensive references...

@Pimpmann
I'll post some suggestions later.

Peace,
Pete Zaria.

[judgment_arms]

Ignorance is bliss, eh?

[MrCrowley]

As the country that rules the world you would think there would be an intelligant person running the show. I guess you have a better government than me though

Sh-it happens lol.

New Zealand is getting the effects of global pollution as NZ is the closest nation to the hole in the Ozone Layer, meaning every other big country(US,China,Japan,Europe) is making the Ozone hole bigger and making it worse for us down here in NZ.

[frankrede]

As the country that rules the world you would think there would be an intelligant person running the show. I guess you have a better government than me though

Sh-it happens lol.

New Zealand is getting the effects of global pollution as NZ is the closest nation to the hole in the Ozone Layer, meaning every other big country(US,China,Japan,Europe) is making the Ozone hole bigger and making it worse for us down here in NZ.

Yes its all a plot to take out those New Zealanders!
Moohhahahaha
Hah jk man, I know how you feel about global warming, in my room my fan doesn't work right so it gets hot at night.
jk